difficult conversations

 conversations.jpg

Difficult Conversations : How to discuss what matters most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen

The three conversations
What Happened – everyone has a perspective, don’t assume that you know their story without listening, questioning
Emotions – talk about how you feel, without encouraging blame
Identity – constant ego-voice chatter undermines your being in the present, and avoid brittle black & white assumptions about your/their contribution

Learning stances
Open queston,
And not but
Contribution not blame, pretty much every situation has contributions from you and them

Start from the 3rd story
Describe the differences between your stories
Share your purposes
Invite them to join you in sorting it out

Explore their story
Listen and understand, signal you have heard
Share your viewpoint, avoid blame
Reframe away from blame and accusation

Problem solving
Talk about how to keep communication open

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